Fated Mate

Ash stared at her, his arms itching to hold her. He saw how hard she was fighting sleep. Whatever her nightmares were, she was scared to face them. He tried to read her mind to see exactly what tormented her but she’d kept it blank thinking about everything else except that. Then her mind roamed to him and Sabrina, and then she thought of herself and how she didn’t fit in that equation comparing herself to Sabrina. Ash felt heated. He wanted to kill Sabrina for what she had done to Lee; turning her into the frightened little girl she was all those years ago.

“Lee, you need to sleep.” Ash moved to sit much closer to her but he kept his hands folded on his lap. She could see the restraint it took not to touch her, if he only knew how much she wanted to be in his arms.

“Not now. I want to be too exhausted to dream before I dare close my eyes.” She leaned her head back on the couch, fighting the sleep that was taking over.

“Lee, what do you see in your nightmares?” His voice was flat, but she could tell there was a hint of something odd in it.

“You already know too much about me, I’m keeping this to myself.” Her tone was harsher than she had intended it to be. He shifted and moved an inch further from her. She didn’t want him to think that she was shutting him out as some sort of vengeance. With a lighter tone, she tried to keep the conversation going, “And anyway, if a shrink couldn’t decipher it, what makes you think you can?”

“I just want to try and help. I don’t like it when you’re hurting, even if it’s your own mind doing it.” He sounded tortured, he leaned closer to her, his eyes searching hers in earnest. “I want to protect you, even if I’m going against you or your mind.” He took her hand and held it in his big warm hand, completely hiding it.

She held his gaze, she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. She hadn’t told Steve about her nightmares, but she did tell him about how her family died and he had used it against her numerous times and she wasn’t ready for that kind of torment again. But his eyes, his sweet soft brown hypnotic eyes, she felt consciously recognizably safe looking into them.

“They started the day my family was killed.” She swallowed hard. Suddenly she wasn’t sure about what she was about to do. He squeezed her hand, out of comfort and support; it gave her a nudge to go ahead.

“Everyone keeps telling me that they died in the fire, but I remember it differently, well at least in my nightmares.” His jaw tightened, he was gritting his teeth. Lee found his reaction strange but she kept on.

“I was asleep in the car when I heard my mom screaming, then she was quiet again. I thought Jayson had done something wrong, so I lay back down in the back seat and waited for my dad to come carry me in. I was a stubborn kid, got worse when Alice was born. She’d taken my place as the favorite last-born child, so my dad was very complacent in giving me what I wanted. It made my mom so furious, but my dad never stopped. He always said I was as stubborn as my mom. So when I had a diva moment, he would always bow and say, ‘as you wish mini-mar’.”All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

She smiled to herself. The memory was still so fresh in her mind. She’d fought hard to keep them-they were all she had of her family. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the emotions welling up inside her.

“What’s mini-mar?” he asked his tone lighter.

“It means miniature Martha.” Remembering her mom’s name hurt her more than she thought it would. “Martha was my mom’s name. I was so much like her, looks and character wise, that’s where the nickname came from,” it came out as a whisper. She took a deep breath and pulled out of the cold hole she had sunk in. “I’m getting sidetracked.” She gave him a weak smile.

“That’s okay. I also want to hear about your happy memories, when they don’t hurt you as much.” He reached up and gently rubbed her cheek, trailing his fingers to the corner of her lips.

“As I was saying…” trying to lighten the sorrow that was weighing heavily in her voice, “…I stayed in the car, then I heard my dad shout, he was pleading. I couldn’t hear the words, but his voice… I remember it scared me.” The sorrow was back in her voice. “So I got out of the car and went to the door.” She was reliving every moment as she spoke, trying to describe as much as she could. “I pushed the big door open and walked in slowly. Dad stood in front of someone-I’d never seen the guy before. Then I saw the living room, it was red all over, and it was as if someone had splashed red paint all over the walls, the floor, and the furniture.”

The lump in her throat was getting bigger, but she was glad she didn’t hesitate on the word red like she usually did. “I said something, but I can’t remember what, my memory is a bit squishy from there. But I do remember running, I was so scared, all I knew is that I had to run and get out of there as fast as I could.”

Tears were rolling down her cheeks, she struggled to hold back the sobs, breaking down again wasn’t going to help her, and the only thing it had got her was a shrink for thirteen years.

“The nightmares were at bay, hadn’t had one for weeks, then when your friend said what she did…they’ve been haunting me every night since.” She fisted her hands at her sides, and took deep breaths. She couldn’t afford to fall apart in front of him.

Ash looked at her, glad he had managed to block out the memory of her father dying. He wasn’t sure her little mind could take it but if he hadn’t she would have been far worse. He just wished the block on the rest of the night had held. He could always try again? But what was the point; her memories seem to be coming back worse off as nightmares.

“Lee, I’m so sorry.” His face was full of grief and pity. His arms reached out for her but she stopped them. She closed her eyes and shook her head. She couldn’t take that look in his eyes anymore.

“No, please don’t. I’m trying to keep it together, and I’m in jeopardy of losing it if you hold me. And if you keep looking at me like that…” She wiped her cheeks dry, her eyes still tightly shut. “…I’m going to go to pieces.”

If it weren’t for his heavy breathing, she would have thought he’d left her on the seat alone.

“I think the guys finished all the food you made. Does steak sound good? I promise there won’t be anything with a strong scent on your plate. We don’t want a repeat of last time.” There was a laugh at the edge of his voice. Lee was glad the pity was gone, and he’d changed the subject without a fuss.

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. “It sounds perfect, and I no longer spend my mornings with my head over the toilet.”

“Does that mean if I cooked eggs, you’d be fine?” His perfect face was close, challenging her. She could see a dare coming next.

Pushing him as he stood, she said, “Let’s not test my endurance just yet.”