Holding on to you

Killian’s P. O. V

“We’ve got a female victim, suffered a knife wound to the chest, she’s lost a lot of blood, so we have to act fast.”

I’ve never felt helpless in my life, but at that moment, it was the only thing I felt, along with the anger. Everything in me wanted to kill the idiot for stabbing my girl, I couldn’t stop myself from imaging his blood all over my hands instead of hers.

“Her heart rate is dropping, we need to operate, NOW!!”

Doctors and nurses were rushing around, the pushed the gurney she was on into an operating room, and as much as I wanted to be by her side I didn’t want to be in the doctors’ way.

Just before the door closed I heard another doctor yell, “She’s got internal bleeding, let’s get to work, we’re losing her people!!”

I stood there just staring at the door, my mind was racing with thoughts of her. I could see her smiling as she tries to tease me to get what she wants, or her innocent wide-eyed look when I call her out on it.

Her laughter kept ringing through my head, the way she would whisper ‘I love you’ with so much passion in her gaze. I wanted the torturous images to stop, but they kept playing over and over.

“Killi, is she going to be ok?”

I turned at the sound of Kinsley’s voice, her eyes were puffed up and swollen from all the crying she was doing. She looked so vulnerable and just as helpless as I felt, so I pulled her into my arms, forgetting that I was covered in Lilly’s blood.

“I don’t know Kins, I don’t know.”

She started to sob into my clothes, and I held her close, Mik was also holding Jessy who was crying as well. It’s been a long time in my life since I prayed, but I begged whosoever was listening to not take my wife away from me.

After a while Kinsley pulled away, wiping the tears away with the back of her hands. She tried to smile at me, but it looked more like a grimace of pain.

“You should… um… you should get cleaned up.”

I knew that she was referring to the blood that was covering my white shirt, but there was no way I was leaving the hospital for anything.

“I’ll be fine.”

She looked around the hospital at all the people that were looking our way and whispering, but I didn’t care. They could stare all they wanted nothing could have made me leave the hospital when my girl was fighting for her life.

“Everyone is staring at us.”

“I’m not leaving her here, Kinsley.”

She nodded her head then took a seat in one of the empty seats.

I couldn’t sit, I was too wired up and worried about Red. I can’t believe that she jumped in front of a knife for me, why the f**k would she do something so obviously crazy?

The look of complete shock that was on her face tore at my heart, the pain she must have felt enraged me. I wanted to kill her ex for causing her pain, and I almost did if Mik hadn’t stopped me.

I don’t know how long we were waiting but after what seemed like days, the doctor came out. Kinsley and Jessy stood when they saw him, I didn’t know what he was going to say, but I was praying that is wasn’t bad news.

“Mr Black?”

I nodded, “That’s me.”

He continued, “Your wife has made it through surgery, her vitals are stable at the moment, but she’s not completely out of the woods as yet. The knife missed her heart by a few centimetres, but it did cause internal bleeding. She lost a lot of blood so we had to give her a transfusion, it’s going to take at least 48 hours for us to be sure that everything is ok.”

She was alive, that was the only thought that was going through my head. I knew that the doctors at the hospital were good at what they do, but I didn’t just want good, I wanted the best for Lilly. So after the doctor left I got out my phone and call in a favour to one of the doctors on my family’s payroll.

We were told that it was ok for us to see her, but it had to be one at a time because they didn’t want anything disturbing her. I let Jessy and Kinsley go in first then, I sent them home with Mik.

When I told the doctors that I was staying the night with my wife, they tried to get me thrown out of the hospital, but they soon realised how far my family reach went. And in the end, I ended up getting her moved to a private room with a bed big enough for two persons.

I decided against sharing the bed with her, instead, I sat in the chair by her side and watched her sleep.

My thoughts kept running back to the first time I stabbed someone. I was sixteen years old and I stabbed a guy in one of my dad’s club for the way he was looking at Lilly’s picture. A picture I took of her in school. I was sitting at the bar just staring at it when some idiot came over and decided to say something stupid.

Flashback

“Hey man, it that your girl, she looks like a good f**k, need any help taming the bitch?”

The rage that overtook me was unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, I grabbed the ice-pick that was lying on the bar and plunged it into his neck, not once but three times.

There were screaming and blood everywhere and I couldn’t help but smile at the shock on the motherf**ker face as he realised that he was going to die. I was about to stab him again when I was held back.

After the whole ordeal, my dad tried to get the entire thing swept under the rug. However, the judge that was working for my dad though my actions were that of a disturbed child, and the only way he was going to let it go, was if I attended mandatory counselling sessions twice a week for six months.

I was pissed at having to go to a shrink, like some f**king nutcase, but it only took my first session for me to realised that I kinda like f**king with the shrink’s head.

When I told her of all the men and women that I’ve killed I could see that she felt uncomfortable. She kept asking if I felt any remorse for my victims, and when I told her no, she said that normal people don’t enjoy killing.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I didn’t need her to tell me that I wasn’t normal, I knew I was f**ked up, but I wasn’t going to spend my time crying about it or trying to find a cure. I embraced who I was and enjoyed it.

After about two months talking about all of my victims, I got bored of the topic and decided to shock her some more, so I told her about my obsession with this beautiful blue eyes, redhead girl.

At first, this look of complete horror crossed her face, you’d thought I was talking about her daughter. She kept asking me what the girl’s name was, I made her wait another month before I told her, and that’s when a look of relief washed over her face.

“Killian, it’s unhealthy for you to be obsessing over this girl, have you tried talking to her? Maybe, if you engaged in conversation with her you’ll see that she’s just a normal person just like everyone else.”

I almost laughed at her attempt to shrink me, engaging in conversation was the last thing I want to do with Lilly, but I didn’t tell her that.

“I did talk to her once, but she was drunk, I doubt she even remembers me, or what we ‘talked’ about.”

I laughed, letting my words sink in, and I wasn’t disappointed when I saw the look of horror on her face. For a shrink, she’s not good at hiding her emotions.

She shifted in her seat, her discomfort clearly showing, with shaking hands she took a sip of her water as a way to compose herself. After she felt like she was back in charge, she turned to me with a ‘let’s get back to business’ look.

“Killian, when you said talked, you didn’t mean… you didn’t do anything inappropriate to her, did you?”

I smiled, enjoying the way I was making her squirm.

“Define inappropriate?”

I knew exactly what she meant, but I just want to stretch out her torture a little while longer for my amusement. She swallowed and try to look stern, like the one in charge.

“Did you had sex with her whiles she was drunk.”

I sat back and pretended to think about it, I knew that I was probably pissing her off, but if I had to endure her sessions then she had to endure me.

“No, I didn’t, but I could have, she just isn’t ready for what I have in store for her. oh, but believe me, when she is I will take what is rightfully mine.”

I didn’t think I could shock her any more than I already did, but from the look on her face, I knew that I have.

“Killian, you can’t claim ownership of a person, especially a young girl who doesn’t even know you exist. What if she decided to have a boyfriend, or moved away and get married, what are you going to do then?”

The muscle in my temple twitched, and I clenched my fist to keep from punching a hole in the wall.

“I’ll kill the motherf**ker brave enough to touch her, then I’ll punish her for giving away what is rightfully mine!”

She started to talk but the clock on her desk chinned, signalling the end of our session. I got to my feet and saluted her before walking out of her office, but I was stopped in my tracks by the second most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.

I couldn’t stop staring at her vibrant red hair and her bold blue eyes, she looked so much like Lilly that I had to do a double-take. The girl stood when she saw me, her eyes roaming over my body, checking me out. I smirked at her and she blushed, I was about to introduce myself when Doctor Bell came out of her office to see what I was looking at.

“Natasha, what are you doing here sweetie?”

So, her name is Natasha, not as beautiful as Lilly, but it was pretty.

Doctor Bell looked warily at me, I could tell that she was not too pleased with me for the way I was looking at her daughter, but I didn’t care because I intended to do I lot more than just look at her.

Ignoring the doctor, I walked over to Natasha and took her hand in mine. Her skin was soft, and I couldn’t wait to feel the rest of her.

“Nice to meet you, Natasha, I’m Killian.”

She giggled and batted her eyelid at me, a clear sign that she was into me. Doctor Bell walked over and extracted her daughter’s hand from mine and pulled her to her side.

“I’ll see you next week, Killian, same time as usual.”

I nodded at her, but I never took my eyes off of her daughter, who was looking at me with lust.

“Next week it is then,” I said then started walking away, but just as I pressed the bottom for the lift, I hear doctor Bell and her daughter arguing.

“Tasha, I told you not to come to the office when I have clients here.”

“But mom, it’s the only way I get to see you. Dad said that the court will rule in his favour and that means I’ll never get to see you again.”

Doctor Bell sighed. “Honey, you can’t keep coming here, this is the reason your dad is filing for full custody, he says that I deal with a lot of unstable people and he doesn’t want you around them, and I tend to agree with him on this one, so please you have to stay away, or I’ll never get custody of you.”

I didn’t stay to hear the rest of their conversation, I had other places to be. As I was at my car when my phone ring, the guy that I paid to keep an eye on Lilly called to give me an update.

“Killer, the chick you asked me to spy on for you is supposed to be going out to the movie with the cute blonde and the dude they always hang out with. You want me to follow them?”

I took out my keys and opened the door.

“Nah, that’s ok, thanks.”

I hang up and was about to pull out of the parking lot when I saw Natasha running toward me. I wind down the window and waited until she caught up. She leaned down and stuck her head through the window.

“Where’re you going tiger, mind taking a girl along for the ride?”

I smiled at her because I knew exactly what she wanted and I wasn’t about to turn down the offer.

“Hop in beautiful.”

She gave me a seductive smile then run around to the passenger side. just as I was pulling out I glance up to see doctor Bell looking at us through her window, I gave her one of my winning smiles then saluted her.

Flashback end

I was brought out of my thoughts by Red calling my name.

“Killian.”

Her voice sounded weak but her eyes were still, her hands were moving around like she was looking for me. I clasped her hand in mine and it seemed to settle her. She sighed and went back into her peaceful sleep.

“I’m here baby, I’ll always be here.”

I sat and watched her as she slept for the rest of the night.