Leave Me Behind

It’s technically our weekend, but Eren nudges me awake just as the sun is rising anyway. I give him a very uninterested, groggy glare.

His dark brow lifts smugly. “Are you a breakfast kind of a girl?”

I keep my eyes narrowed, but my stomach betrays me and growls.

“Yeah, I’m a breakfast girl.” My voice doesn’t come out as sharp as I was going for. Eren’s smile burns into my chest like a shot of whiskey.

“Get dressed in your civilian clothes. I’m taking us out to a diner I used to frequent when I was young,” he says, sounding elated. I look down at his attire and realize he’s not in uniform. His black T-shirt is form-fitting and clings to his muscles, sculpting out every inch of him.

“You are young,” I tease as I pull my night shirt off and swap it for a basic gray tee.

“Younger.” Eren grins and rolls his eyes at me.

I avert my gaze, securing my yoga pants over my ass. “Are we even allowed to leave base?”

He chuckles and pokes my forehead again. “What, Riøt didn’t have street privileges?” I rub the spot and give him a scrutinizing look, though I secretly don’t mind the sentiment of it. Jenkins would ruffle my hair anytime he thought I was being cute and I can’t help but miss that small notion.

“No, we didn’t.”

Eren takes pause and looks at me for a second to make sure I’m not pulling his leg or something. I raise a brow and he smiles again.

“I’m the sergeant. I do whatever I want.”

“And why are you bringing me with you? Wouldn’t you rather take your dear brother?” I push, making eye contact. His smile is murder—those dimples will be the end of me.

“You’d prefer to stay here with all those assholes?” He juts his thumb in the direction of our squad’s barracks. I stare at him for a moment before shaking my head. “That’s what I thought. Now, hurry up before they run out of scones.”

Sitting across from Eren, sharing coffee and scones while the sun rises behind him over the bay, is as awkward as you’d think it’d be.

Everything feels so normal and civilized. I watch the waitress go from table to table with a content and soft grin on her face. She remembers me from the night I came in with Bradshaw. She must think Eren is him because she mutters about what a darling couple we make. I change the subject instantly by telling her that her black dress is lovely. I almost ask her where she got it before remembering myself.

I could never wear such delicate things. My scars would draw too much attention and I wouldn’t feel secure in something as whimsical as a dress.Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

Eren must notice the longing look in my eyes because his hand falls softly atop mine. I meet his gaze and flinch at the cream mustache he has on his upper lip. He quirks a brow for the final humorous blow and I can’t help but grip my stomach and laugh.

“What are you doing?” I manage to contain my outburst, scanning the diner quickly to ensure no one was disrupted by me.

Eren licks the cream from his lips and gives me that smoldering look of his. “Being a person. You should try it sometime.” He winks.

I hesitate and glance down. “I don’t know what you mean.”

He laughs this time, leaning forward and setting his elbow against the table before resting his chin on his palm. There’s a light that flickers through his eyes that’s not unlike the one Jenkins had. It’s secretive and daring. I could watch Eren exist for days on end without losing interest. He’s unpredictable and amusing when he’s not being a sergeant. Almost comforting to be around.

“Being funny, making jokes, enjoying the little things in life.” He lists things like he could go on forever but stops before shifting gears. “Not looking so disconnected from the real world.”

“I’m not disconnected,” I say, sounding offended even though I know very well how disconnected I really am from everything. Even sitting here and watching the other customers go about their mornings disturbs me.

“No? Then let me take you out to get a dress. I bet you don’t own a single one.”

I frown at him. “Eren, I would never wear it.”

“Why not? I saw you eyeing that woman’s pretty dress.”

I reluctantly look away. “Because I don’t need anything for my squadmates to think less of me, sir.” I use the term for emphasis. Everything he’s trying to do for me has me on edge. Why is he being so nice? Trying to get civilian clothes for me? My fingers curl against my pants anxiously. He’s trying to push me back into society. He’s trying to nice-guy me into quitting. Does he feel guilty about it? My stomach sinks.

His eyes soften on me and pool with anguish. Then, he taps his fingers on the table and banishes all his emotions.

“Bunny, we’re going. It’s an order.” His voice is firm and his face stoic.

I stare for a few seconds before sighing.

“Fine.” It’s not like I’ll have to wear it.

“We’ll go after we catch some waves.”

My spine stiffens. “What?”

“You can surf, can’t you? Oh, come on, don’t give me that look. You have to at least try,” Eren says as he lifts his hand for the bill.

Did Bradshaw tell him I’m scared of the ocean? No. He wouldn’t. But why is Eren staring at me with something lethal in his gaze? Can he see the horror in my expression already?

Goddammit.

Somehow, he gets me in a swimsuit. I stand in the sand with a board I have no intention of using clutched to my side. Just staring at the ocean makes me queasy.

Eren has already ridden a few waves with ease. His muscles slick with the ocean’s spray. I watch and envy his fearlessness.

A hand lands on the nape of my neck. My elbow instantly flies back to hit their stomach and gets caught by the person’s other hand.

“Easy killer, it’s just your favorite fuck boy.” Bradshaw’s voice is heavy with a smirk.

I jerk out of his hold and, to my displeasure, there he stands looking like a god of land and sea. His swim shorts are black and hang low on his hips. They don’t do anything to hide the bulge in his pants. His chest is all muscle, corded and tattooed. His jawline is rimmed with ink and the fresh scab on his neck makes my stomach twist. Those pale blue eyes flick down to me, interest dancing behind them.

He grabs the top of my board and leans against it with a smug grin. His maskless face startles me for a moment. I almost forgot he had one beneath it. I wish he didn’t. It would make it easier to resent him.

“I thought you were scared of the ocean—now you’re surfing?”

I glower at him. “Eren is surfing. I’m staying right here.”

“I’ll take you out there.” He takes my board under his arm and my wrist in his free hand.

“Wait!” I try to pry off his fingers, but he has a vice grip. He wades straight into the waves and my heart drops when the water hits my knees. “I said stop!”

Bradshaw turns and pulls me into his chest, hooking his arm around my lower back and dipping down to speak quietly in my ear.

“You keep yelling and making people look at us and I’ll really give you something to scream about, Bun.” He pulls away and winks at me with a fake-ass smile. His white teeth flash and make my core heat. “Now, behave.” I breathe in sharply as his cold hands curl around my sides and lift me up onto the board.

He makes me feel helpless and small when he controls me like this. It’s a shot to my nervous system and I can’t help but enjoy it. I’m always the most dangerous person in the room, but around Bradshaw I feel vulnerable.

The dark waves ahead look endless. Fear threads through my veins and I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask in a low, defeated tone.

Bradshaw hops on behind me and pulls my ass to his crotch. His stomach warms my back, making me lean closer. “Because, have you ever had the chance to put a little rodent in the middle of the ocean and watch it squirm?” He laughs as he angles the board to the vast sea.

“Rabbits aren’t rodents you idiot. They’re lagomorphs.” My retort loses its bite as I grip the board like it’s a lifeline. My shoulders tremble as we get deeper and further away from the shore. I look for Eren, desperate to call out to him, but he’s nowhere in sight.

“Why am I not surprised you know something as useless as that, Bun?” Bradshaw whispers against the shell of my ear. My skin pebbles.

What is he going to do to me out here? Throw me in and leave me for the sharks? I shudder at that thought and pull my knees to my chest.

Jenkins always laughed at my fear of the ocean, but he made sure I knew to keep it a secret. I could put our entire squad in jeopardy if I faltered in the water.

Maybe if I hadn’t watched two children get eaten alive by sharks when I was a kid, I wouldn’t be so afraid of them.

“Alright, hop off.” Bradshaw’s hands come down at my sides to throw me into the depths, but I lean back into his chest, hoping to appeal to his better nature.

My voice is a plea. “Please, don’t.”

His laugh vibrates against my spine and he turns me so I’m facing him. “What’s in it for me? I’d really love to see you screaming in the water for my help.”

My eyes widen and desperation makes me generous.

I swallow and look down at the bulge in his pants. He chuckles again and practically shouts, “You think a blow job will save you?!”

I glare at him and shove his shoulders back without thinking of the repercussions. His eyes are wide as he falls into the water, but instead of anger or wrath, I only catch a glimpse of amusement before he disappears beneath the surface.

Oh fuck, what have I done? I cling to the board and start paddling away as fast as I can. I hear his body break the water’s edge and dare to look back.

A dark smile reaches his eyes as he grabs the board and flips it. My scream is cut short by the water engulfing me.

I swim to the surface and choke out a few strangled coughs before blinking the water from my eyes. The first thing I notice is the empty surfboard bobbing in the waves. Panic rushes to my brain.

Where the fuck is he?

I don’t have to wonder for long.

Arms wrap around my shoulders and my heart hammers against my ribs. He’s going to drown me here, this is it for me. His words replay in my head. “The only good Riøt soldier is a dead one.”

A terrified shriek breaks from my lips and my legs start to convulse.

“Hey, hey. Calm down, Bun,” Bradshaw says gently, sounding genuinely concerned. He spins me in the water so our noses are pressed together.

I don’t want him to see me like this. I swore I’d never let anyone see me this vulnerable. But this is what the ocean does to me. I fear it more than the battlefield, more than an M16 pressed against my skull.

He takes me in, shocked by my reaction. He treads water powerfully with his legs, keeping one arm wrapped securely around my back.

Fear makes me a different person. The ocean makes me weak.

I wrap my legs around his torso and cling to his shoulders. I didn’t realize how much bigger than me he was, how strong his muscles were, but feeling them work between my thighs to keep us afloat makes it hard not to notice. His grip around me tightens as my teeth chatter together and my body trembles.

Bradshaw lets out a light-hearted sigh before letting his head rest against mine, breathing me in.

“You’re really that scared?” His voice is thick with remorse.

“W-what, you don’t l-like this as much as y-you thought you would?” My retort sounds lame with my shaking words.

He holds me tighter against his chest. “No. I don’t,” he admits. My breath evens out as he swims us back toward the board and pushes me on top of it. I instantly draw my legs back to my chest and shiver.

Bradshaw remains in the water, forearms folded over the surfboard and resting his head against them as he gives me a sidelong glance.

“What are y-you doing? Get back on.” I try to pull his arm up, but he has it firmly in place. Even seeing him in the water gives me unease.

“Why? What’s the worst thing that could happen to me, Bunny?”

“There could be sharks…” It sounds so stupid coming out of my mouth, but I can’t help what terrifies me.

He stares dumbfoundedly at me for a moment before tilting his head back and letting out a ridiculous laugh. “Are you serious? That’s what you’re so afraid of?” His rare laughter starts to make me smile against my best efforts.

“Just get out of there, I can’t sit here and watch you be eaten alive.” My trembling voice is starting to steady out.

“And they say monsters don’t have weaknesses,” he chides me as he lifts himself from the sea. I scowl but watch the water drip from his abs and chin.

I sigh with relief now that he’s not in the water. “What are you doing out here anyway? Did Eren put you up to this?” I force my eyes away from his as he looks up at me. I scan the beach and water, but I still don’t see Eren.

“I come out here every chance I get. Eren knows that.”

Of course Eren knows. Is this his way of trying to get us to make peace with each other? Annoyed, I look back at Bradshaw. “Take me back to shore.”

“Is that an order?” he muses as he leans closer to me, reaching his hand out.

“We aren’t on duty, Bradshaw. I’ll order you around as much as I want.” I swat his hand away, but he grabs me anyway and wrestles me into his lap.

His amused expression quickly turns callous. “Does your cunt not ache enough from our lesson the other night? Have you forgotten who you submit to, Bunny?” He glides his hand down to my inner thigh.

My cheeks burn at his words. Why is he so hellbent on making me miserable? It has worn me down to the wire. I might as well just ask.

“Why do you hate me so much?” I wince at how sad it sounds coming out.

He brushes my wet hair back delicately and presses his lips to my shoulder. “Is that what you think? That I hate you?”

I bristle. “If you think your actions represent anything but hatred then I’m all ears.”

“Are you upset because I didn’t show you affection both mornings after I fucked you? You’re delusional if you think you’re anything other than a good looking, average soldier. I just used you for what I wanted in the moment. That’s all.” Bradshaw’s breath is hot against my skin.

I try to push us apart, but he doesn’t budge. “Stop dancing around the question, fuckface.” Don’t let his words get to you. I steel my mind the best I can.

He laughs again and tips us to the side until we’re falling back into the water. The icy water shoots straight to my bones and I rise to the surface with fury warming my tongue.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” I hit his chest and he only grins at my assault.

“I don’t hate you.”

I freeze, arm still partially raised for my next strike.

He snags my jaw with his hand and draws our foreheads together so there’s nowhere else to look but into his soulless eyes.

“I want to dominate you. I want to break you into a million pieces and make you answer only to me. I want to keep you as far away from my squad as possible before I ruin what’s left of you. Because if you don’t leave, that’s what’s going to happen. I’ll break you, just like I break everything. Is that enough? Will you shut the fuck up now?” He says slowly, cruelly, while squeezing my jaw.

A tear brims without my permission from pure rage.

Then I do something stupid.

I spit in his face.

My muscles tense as I wait for his reaction, but all I get is a lazy, curious smile.

“See? I told you your fear was stupid. You haven’t thought about it once since I tipped us over.”

My eyes widen before narrowing skeptically. He did that on purpose… He’s fucking with my mind on a whole new level now. Taking my fears from me too?

“Just take me back to the beach… please.”

He finally gives in and takes me back.

I wait on the shoreline for Eren while Bradshaw goes back out to surf. Reluctantly, I watch him for ten minutes before Eren taps my shoulder.

“Where did you go?” I snap at him. He flinches at the bite in my tone.

“You don’t want to know.” He pats his stomach and gives me a sour face. Oh God. “Alright, let’s find a dress, then get back to base.”

I follow behind him silently for a few beats before asking, “Did you know Bradshaw would be here today?” He doesn’t respond, nor does he stop walking.

I take that as a yes.